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Key events
10th over: Australia 37-2 (Labuschagne 1, Khawaja 3) Archer will surely fancy a go at Khawaja, who’s on strike, and the batter fancies getting up the other end, as you might – he turns around the corner, they hesitate then take the single, and the throw misses, though they were home in any event. Still, it’s nervous out there now, and a leading edge proves that, Labuschagne taking one into the off-side when planning a flick to the on. This is Archer’s sixth over, so could well be his last – I bet his captain fancies an exhibition flog-self-in-the-heat while the going’s good.
9th over: Australia 34-2 (Labuschagne 0, Khawaja 1) This is now a huge point in the series: if England can make further inroads, they’ll be in it, but if they can’t, they’re almost out of it having barely participated. Three dots, then Khawaja fends off the body behind square on the on-side – that was fuller and straighter – earning one. It’s the only run from the over.
WICKET! Head c Crawley b Carse 10 (Australia 33-2)
ONE BRINGS TWO AND THIS IS A SCREAMER! Carse continues as we all thought he should, Head drives hard, and at short cover, Crawley is at one with it, diving left to grab just above ground, a giraffe doing a dying swan!
9th over: Australia 33-1 (Head 10, Labuschagne 0) Goodness me, England needed that; goodnes me, Archer needed that. He makes Labuschagne play first ball, then whips through a bouncer that gets up higher. he’s so close to the stumps it can look like the ball follows batters, and his run up is so leisurely it’s always shocking. And here he comes again, the ball moving away form Labuschagne … who edges just short of slip. Has momentum switched? Wicket maiden.
“Plural of anthems has to be anathema in my book,” writes Brian Withington, “capturing my feelings about the vast majority of the miserable/imperialistic dirges. Honourable exceptions include Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau, La Marseillaise and the South African one.”
The old Russian one is a banger, likewise Italy’s, and Spain’s is also decent. But I’d love it for counties to use their own styles of music, so UK having a jungle tune, German electronic, Ghana hi-life, Jamaica reggae and so on.
WICKET! Weatherald c Smith b Archer 18 (Australia 33-1)
Out of nothing, Archer finds his best ball so far, a lifter not getting up above the collar and edged high into the air, the pull misjudged; Smith runs around in his own time and the ball plops into his gloves.
8th over: Australia 33-0 (Head 10, Weatherald 18) Stokes perseveres with Carse and again, he’s wide, but this time he brings Weatherald down to that level, a horrible hoik missing everything. The next ball is flicked off the toes for one and the final one is forced just over the infield for two; in comms, Matt Prior isn’t happy that there wasn’t a bowling change for this over, and it’s hard to argue with him.
7th over: Australia 29-0 (Head 8, Weatherald 17) We see a pitch map to incite resigned rage in those of an England disposition; they’ve been far too short far too often so far. Here, though, Archer hustles through a maiden – one that’s not especially threatening but which his team sorely needed/
“The plural of anthem, as an Anglicised Latin Noun, is… anthems,” advises Rowan Sweeney. “Sorry to be a bore, but in atonement, here’s a Mitchell and Webb skit (loosely) on the subject.”
Not at all, I wasn’t denying it’s existence, just disputing its aural pleasure.
6th over: Australia 29-0 (Head 8, Weatherald 17) Er yeah, about that. Carse offers Weatherald width, the ball sits up, and he unloads the suitcase, buggy-whipping a cut, then a similar delivery incites him to go over the field; two fours in two balls. The response is decent, the batter pulling away at the last second when he’s sure it’s bouncing over and past off stump. This track looks like it might need a fuller length, which Tongue can supply, but Carse goes for teeth music again, cleansing Weatherald on the helmet – that’s a third no ball – then the final one of the other is embarrassed to the cover fence for four more. He’s bowled some decent deliveries, but Carse has gone for 24 off three; a sub-elite return, it’s fair to say.
5th over: Australia 16-0 (Head 8, Weatherald 5) Weatherald’’s cool with hitting the dreadful deliveries and picking up singles when he can, taking one into the on side before Archer goes around and sends Head a bumper; his are so hard to see coming. If Carse can send down a tight one next up, England can build a bit of pressure.
4th over: Australia 15-0 (Head 8, Weatherald 4) Why are some names so good to spoonerise; implore you to spoonerise them? In comes Crydon Barse from around, and after two decent deliveries, he offers one that’s wide, sits up, and smears itself with sprinkles; Head guzzles every last bit of it, thrashing through point for four. A much better delivery follows, full of length, swinging in, aimed at the stumps, then a second no ball before two dots to finish off. Can England build some pressure? So far there’ve been a few decent meteorites, but not enough consecutively.
Cricket Australia on Smith’s absence:
Steve Smith was ruled out of the third Ashes test in Adelaide today. Over the past few days he has been feeling unwell, with symptoms including nausea and dizziness. He was assessed and monitored closely and was close to being available to play. However, given the persistence of symptoms, a decision was made not to proceed. He is being treated for a potential vestibular issue. This is something Steve has experienced intermittently in the past and is being managed accordingly. He is expected to be available for the Boxing Day test in Melbourne.
3rd over: Australia 10-0 (Head 4, Weatherald 4) Head shoves towards mid-off for one, then a leg-bye is followed by another single, before Weatherald misses out on a full toss. Carse looked dangerous in his opening over…
“Plural of anthems,” says Tom Buckley, “Surely it should be anthi?”.
As per the Eddie and the Hot Rods discussion, I’ve not a clue, though this time I don’t have the excuse that I didn’t start it.
2nd over: Australia 7-0 (Head 2, Weatherald 4) Talking of being out of your element, there’s something that doesn’t feel right about Alastair Cook on the telly not the radio, but in the meantime, Carse is opening from the other end. I guess that’s partly a seniority thing and partly Tongue is less in need of help from the ball to bowl wicket-taking deliveries. Head turns around the corner for one, then Weatherald is caught out by one that nips in, hurriedly playing it into the turf and into himself, narrowly avoiding playing on. Oooh, then a fuller one that tails even more, bouncing and clumping the batter in the gizzard, then a similar delivery that has Carse appealing … it’s a no ball … then one that’s over-pitched is dealt with, a bit step and a twizzle to the midwicket fence for four. We don’t know how long it’ll be around, but the bowlers have some help through the air here.
1st over: Australia 1-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 0) Two dots, then Head tips and runs for one, the only runs off the over, Archer’s not quite at full pace yet, but he’s not hanging about.
“Eddie and the Hot Rods debut album, ‘Life On The Line’, started with Kim Thonger’s excellent choice of ‘Do Anything You Wanna Do’,” writes Timothy Sanders. “However, the final track was ‘Beginning Of The End’. The lyric comes pessimistically to mind: It’s too late, much too late, the damage is done…””
I’m so out my element here I make Donnie from Big Lebowski look savvy.
Jofra Archer has the ball. He has to produce here, and everyone knows it. Pressure! Head to face and play…
We’re about ready to go, the England team huddling in the knowledge that their existence as a unit is on the line. Pressure!
Teams
Australia 1 Jake Weatherald, 2 Travis Head, 3 Marnus Labuschagne, 4 Usman Khawaja, 5 Cameron Green, 6 Alex Carey (wk), 7 Josh Inglis, 8 Pat Cummins (c), 9 Mitchell Starc, 10 Nathan Lyon, 11 Scott Boland.
England 1 Zak Crawley, 2 Ben Duckett, 3 Ollie Pope, 4 Joe Root, 5 Harry Brook, 6 Ben Stokes (c), 7 Jamie Smith (wk), 8 Will Jacks, 9 Brydon Carse, 10 Jofra Archer, 11 Josh Tongue.
“So if you’re England,” says Max Williams, “do you take Smith out in exchange for bowling? I guess we’ll know at lunch.”
I don’t have to think about that one: as my dad once said in assembly and as my mates never let me forget, “No, no and no.” If Australia bat well, they could potentially bat England out of the match even if England bowl fairly well.
It’s time for Welcome to Country, then it’ll be the anthems, the plural of which ought really to be antha.
John Williamson is now singing True Blue.
There’ll now be a moment to reflect on the Bondi murders.
Michael Vaughan and Jason Gillespie bring out the crystal urn, then the players, who were out already, come out officially, it’s dead exciting, to a soundtrack of 80s muzak.
Is it better going to bed with cricket or waking up to it? I used to prefer the former but now it’s the latter, which I’m only just realising is because I’m old. This may also be the first time I’ve done one of these without a sweet shop in my box room; it’s a state of affairs, mates.
“Pretty sure Eddie and the Hotrods were managed by Talk Talk singer/songwriter Mark Hollis’ older brother, Ed,” says Julian Rolfe. “Anyway, HUGE day for England. Time it’s time for the batters to take some responsibility. Life’s what you make it, chaps, so please don’t say The Party’s over. Dig in. Don’t Give it up so easily. For sure, It’s a shame if the Ashes were to be over in the next couple of days. Ben Stokes and co … I believe in you!”
It’s hot out there, so both sides will want to rely on their spinners. Graeme Swann is out on the pitch for TNT, and if I had to pick an England XI of my lifetime, he’s the easiest selection – not just able to hold down an end in the first innings, but to take first-innings wickets – with a bit of help from DRS.
“Will England see sense and drop Pope down to six?” wonders Matthew Tom. “Root taking responsibility at three, Brook a natural at four, Stokes allowed to bat when it’s not (yet) a crisis, and Pope allowed to play without pressure of precipitating a collapse?”
I’d be staggered if England took the best thing about their team and messed with it. They don’t want Root going in early if they can avoid it, but more than that they know he has a strong preference, and wouldn’t want to risk altering his mental equilibrium.
Stokes would’ve batted, so consoles himself that it’s good the whole team will be out there together looking to set things right. Josh Tongue brings, energy, effort and “natural wicket-taking ability”, so he’s looking forward to watching him bowl.
Cummins thinks it’s a good wicket and a regulation Test match on the track. He says Smith has been ill and isn’t right – so not concussed – and Khawaja comes in to bat four. Lyon is a huge asset, preparation has been great, and that is a confident man.
Australia win the toss and bat
Tails, it turns out, does sometimes fail.
Righto, time for the toss…
“Morning Daniel, (it’s approaching 7am in Western Australia),” opens Karris Evans. “Fox Cricket noted an hour ago that Smith got a head knock in training this morning, so possible concussion has ruled him out.”
Thanks, there it is.
It’ll be an interesting atmosphere in that dressing room. This team haven’t suffered as they are now, and there’s not that much experience there – there’ll be doubts.
Email! “Good evening Daniel,” begins Kim Thonger. “I think what England really need is just a good pre-match dance tune in the dressing room to get them fired up and this might do the trick. I saw Eddie and the Hot Rods perform Do Anything You Wanna Do at Reading Festival in August 1976. Life changing”
Steve Smith is out of the Test
TNT make if official. By the looks of things, Usman Khawaja, who must’ve wondered if he’d ever play Tests again, comes in.
I’m really looking forward to seeing how Josh Tongue goes. As Steve Finn just noted, he’s not bowled terribly, but it always felt that his run early in his Test career wouldn’t translate to this series. And what Tongue has is the ability to bowl unplayable deliveries; whether he can avoid getting clobbered in between remains to be seen.
TNT now go with the same Smith rumour – he didn’t train on Monday, ill, but was back at it yesterday and he appears to be leaving the ground. Real talk, his absence isn’t the seismic one it would’ve been in the sense that he’s not as reliable a scorer these days, but symbolically, he’s a huge figure in the team and match-up.
Thinking more about the toss, if Australia win the toss and bat, I’d really fear for England. Responding to a big total feels less likely than posting one.
Cricinfo are suggesting that Steve Smith might not be playing. I guess we’ll find out soon whether or not that’s the case.
Preamble
Daniel Harris
Morning everyone. Ben Stokes’ side arrive at Adelaide having already experienced their very own Adelaide, the catastroexpletive of Perth rivalling the 2006 abomination for the very specific “They did what?! I feel like vomiting up my insides” energy that, for England fans, feels like home.
And yet, and yet, and yet. Despite the current frothing, we’ve seen wonders over the last few years that have changed our conception of the possible and with it the nature of Test-match cricket, the miracles of Bazball no less inspiring now than then. Moreover, it remains the case that England’s is a team full of matchwinners who may now be acclimatised to conditions; if they can get rolling, Australia will start to wonder.
That “if”, though, is of Cameron Green proportions. With Australia already on a buzz, Pat Cummins and Nathan Lyon are returning to play at yet another stronghold; their opponents’ total mental disintegration may be too far advanced to be aborted; and even if not, it’s also possible that there’s an insurmountable skill differential in the conditions that will continue to be definitive.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying this could be over soon … but it absolutely isn’t over yet. Go well, people.
Play: 10am local, 10.30am AEDT, 11.30pm GMT
